I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
