Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
