They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
