I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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