dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
