Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
