Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
