Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
