Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
