it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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