I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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