please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
