I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
