Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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