is your mom at the bar?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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