are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
