she was so not down for the gang bang
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
