which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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