Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
