I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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