The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
