I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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