Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
