Sry I called you an 8
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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