My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
