I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
