ya dads aren't the best wingmen
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Randomize
