In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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