I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
