bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
as a side note pls kill me
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
