Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
