Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
