What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He passed out mid-signature
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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