But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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