dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
