So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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