i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Everyone says I win the strip club
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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