Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
