How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
