In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
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