Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
