He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
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