So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
