Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
