just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
