I just saw a hot homeless man
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
