I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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