If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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