My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
