he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
She needs sedatives and a leash
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
