I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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