I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
